You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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