i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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