sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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