I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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