fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
