You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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