Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
