Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
