im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
