i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
