Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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