this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
