I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
