I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
