Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize