We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
