your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
