2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
