just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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