I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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