Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
