nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My hand turned me down
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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