Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
