Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
