You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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