"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
