So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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