Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
