i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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