Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
