I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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