You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
