I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
