I accidentally had phone sex last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
