just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
