listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
