When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize