He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
