Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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