I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
