That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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