Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
