I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
