my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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