She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
