uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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