I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
