Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
