I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
