I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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