Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
