My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
