I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
