Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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