I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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