I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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