Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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