I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
