i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
why is half of my head shaved?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
