oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
