Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
