dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
