high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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