It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
