If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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