The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
